S I G N S
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They say “When a feather appears an angel is near”.
Sometimes I get signs from Cooper that he is okay. Sometimes they come in the form of a dream, a flickering light, a shooting star, a song randomly playing or someone texting me. Sometimes I need signs and I don’t get them. But today, I was standing in my kitchen getting ready to cook dinner as I was talking to my mom on FaceTime. I went over to the drawer to get out a pan lid and there was a feather stuck to the handle of the drawer. I pulled it off and showed my mom and we both had a little chuckle as we knew it meant Cooper was near. I finished my conversation and went outside to feed the dogs with Cooper heavy on my heart. When I was outside I could hear children’s voices in the distance obviously playing outside. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought man I miss that sound. It’s crazy how silent life becomes when your babies are no longer running around so innocently playing. I quickly rushed back inside to tend to the dinner I was making when the kitchen light flickered and I said “hi buddy” out loud. I turned around to grab something out of a different drawer and once again there was a black feather sticking out of the drawer. I was overcome with so many emotions but I stood there and cried tears of relief as I just know that my baby is okay.
We don’t share a lot about our signs we get as we usually get the look of disbelief or the comment of “if that’s what makes us feel better.” But, today I couldn’t help but realize just how important these signs are to people who have lost loved ones. I have had many dreams of Cooper giving me a hug or walking by and waving. I recently had a dream and heard his voice for the first time. We were sitting and I handed him a dutch bros drink, he grabbed it and I said “what do you say?” & he responded “thank you mommy”. I said back “your welcome, I love you buddy” & he said “I love you mommy”. I repeated “I love you buddy” in my dream and he again responded “I love you mommy”. I woke up with SO much happiness in my heart because this was our routine every single Sunday morning. We drove to town, we got our “treat” that I would pass back to him in his car seat and he would always respond with “thank you mommy”, I would say “You’re welcome buddy, I love you” and he would respond with “I love you mommy” & then we would grocery shop & head home to play and watch football or take our Sunday afternoon nap. I needed to hear his voice again. I miss that Sunday morning date SO much. So much so I avoid grocery shopping because it hurts sometimes.
Our signs come in many ways, but we have a 2 lights in the kitchen that hang down over our island and since we came home after Cooper’s death the one has flickered. It randomly turns on and off. At first we thought that’s weird, the light bulb must be loose or need changed. We tried to change the light bulb and make it tighter but the light continued to flicker at random times. It was a few weeks after we came home that it clicked that it was Cooper’s way of showing us he was okay. He was obsessed with turning the lights on and off. He thought it was HILARIOUS & he was so so proud of himself when he would turn them off downstairs so we could head up to bed. Lights have flickered for us at random places or other’s homes and Dave & I just look at each other and smile because we know what that means. Sometimes I will turn on a Spotify playlist and one of our songs will randomly play as I am thinking about him & I know it is his way of saying he is okay. Sometimes someone will randomly message me & ask how I am doing & I know it is his way of making sure I am taking care of myself too.
If you know someone who has lost someone they love, please don’t judge their grief or how they deal with their grief. Don’t think they are crazy when they talk about the signs they get or the dreams they have. To us, it isn’t weird, it’s comforting. To us it is all we have to remind us that our loved ones are okay and that we are allowed to be “okay” too. Don’t look at them like you don’t believe their story or question if they are just searching because even if we are, it is what gets us through a day & you are lucky enough to not understand what that is like.
To my fellow grieving parents, keep holding onto every single sign. Keep knowing that our babies are so much closer than we think. Our babies are our forever angels & I fully believe they will continue to send us signs and guide us as we need it.
Cooper I miss you so much but thank you for always reminding me that you are near. I love you bubba.
-For The Love Of Coop
Sometimes I get signs from Cooper that he is okay. Sometimes they come in the form of a dream, a flickering light, a shooting star, a song randomly playing or someone texting me. Sometimes I need signs and I don’t get them. But today, I was standing in my kitchen getting ready to cook dinner as I was talking to my mom on FaceTime. I went over to the drawer to get out a pan lid and there was a feather stuck to the handle of the drawer. I pulled it off and showed my mom and we both had a little chuckle as we knew it meant Cooper was near. I finished my conversation and went outside to feed the dogs with Cooper heavy on my heart. When I was outside I could hear children’s voices in the distance obviously playing outside. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought man I miss that sound. It’s crazy how silent life becomes when your babies are no longer running around so innocently playing. I quickly rushed back inside to tend to the dinner I was making when the kitchen light flickered and I said “hi buddy” out loud. I turned around to grab something out of a different drawer and once again there was a black feather sticking out of the drawer. I was overcome with so many emotions but I stood there and cried tears of relief as I just know that my baby is okay.
We don’t share a lot about our signs we get as we usually get the look of disbelief or the comment of “if that’s what makes us feel better.” But, today I couldn’t help but realize just how important these signs are to people who have lost loved ones. I have had many dreams of Cooper giving me a hug or walking by and waving. I recently had a dream and heard his voice for the first time. We were sitting and I handed him a dutch bros drink, he grabbed it and I said “what do you say?” & he responded “thank you mommy”. I said back “your welcome, I love you buddy” & he said “I love you mommy”. I repeated “I love you buddy” in my dream and he again responded “I love you mommy”. I woke up with SO much happiness in my heart because this was our routine every single Sunday morning. We drove to town, we got our “treat” that I would pass back to him in his car seat and he would always respond with “thank you mommy”, I would say “You’re welcome buddy, I love you” and he would respond with “I love you mommy” & then we would grocery shop & head home to play and watch football or take our Sunday afternoon nap. I needed to hear his voice again. I miss that Sunday morning date SO much. So much so I avoid grocery shopping because it hurts sometimes.
Our signs come in many ways, but we have a 2 lights in the kitchen that hang down over our island and since we came home after Cooper’s death the one has flickered. It randomly turns on and off. At first we thought that’s weird, the light bulb must be loose or need changed. We tried to change the light bulb and make it tighter but the light continued to flicker at random times. It was a few weeks after we came home that it clicked that it was Cooper’s way of showing us he was okay. He was obsessed with turning the lights on and off. He thought it was HILARIOUS & he was so so proud of himself when he would turn them off downstairs so we could head up to bed. Lights have flickered for us at random places or other’s homes and Dave & I just look at each other and smile because we know what that means. Sometimes I will turn on a Spotify playlist and one of our songs will randomly play as I am thinking about him & I know it is his way of saying he is okay. Sometimes someone will randomly message me & ask how I am doing & I know it is his way of making sure I am taking care of myself too.
If you know someone who has lost someone they love, please don’t judge their grief or how they deal with their grief. Don’t think they are crazy when they talk about the signs they get or the dreams they have. To us, it isn’t weird, it’s comforting. To us it is all we have to remind us that our loved ones are okay and that we are allowed to be “okay” too. Don’t look at them like you don’t believe their story or question if they are just searching because even if we are, it is what gets us through a day & you are lucky enough to not understand what that is like.
To my fellow grieving parents, keep holding onto every single sign. Keep knowing that our babies are so much closer than we think. Our babies are our forever angels & I fully believe they will continue to send us signs and guide us as we need it.
Cooper I miss you so much but thank you for always reminding me that you are near. I love you bubba.
-For The Love Of Coop